Broken Hearted Yet Again

So once again I sit here with a broken heart. I dated Marisa for about 5 months and had the best relationship I have probably had in my entire life. 2 weeks ago she broke up with me because I have yet to get the divorce that has seemingly held me back in life. She told me she loved me and wanted us to be happy for a very long time, but that that couldnt happen as long as I was still married. Today she told me she doesnt love me anymore, Needless to say my heart sank. She has maintained over the last 2 weeks that when the divorce is final we will get back together, that seems like its over. On top of that, im not feeling well today and the depression has hit me hard. I dont know what to do. No relationship has ever lasted for me. maybe I am destin to be alone.

JoeLove out!

Maybe Marisa?!?

So Its been Feb since I blogged last and alot has happen. I have a new job, a new girlfriend, and a great place to live with a great room mate. My new gf is amaizing! Her name is Marisa and she is funny, playful, smart, and very very hot. She loves me for me, and that is what I have been looking for! Right now she is sleeping on my couch cause I told her Im shy bout writing while someone is standing over me, watching me lol. I am very happy with the way my life is rite now. Although there are a few thing that need changing.


JoeLove out!

All ya need is LOVE

So as all of you know I have been having a really hard time of late. With all my heartache, joblessness, homelessness I have found a renewed hope. A hope I had lost a long time ago, and am glad I have regained my lost faith. My life has been in a downward spiral over the last two years. I am finally climbing out of the crap, crawling out from the rock I was living under for so long. My situation may look grim but my mind is free. I may be sleeping in my car out in the cold, I may not have a job right now, I may be going hungry some nights, but I know in my mind, in my heart, in my life, things are looking up. I am getting back to the beliefs I ran away from, I am going back to the father I shunned and ignored for so long. Maybe only after I go back home will my life begin to come back together. He always loved me even when I neglected him.


JoeLove out!

Its been a long hard while!

So its been November since I blogged, and things arent very good for me. I still havent found a job and have lost my place to live, I am currently living in my car. I dont know when, or if, things will turn around for me. It doesnt look like they will anytime soon. My fam is no help they have told me 4 times in the last 3 months I could go up to St. Louis and stay with them but have backed out EVERY time. I have two friends in the world right now, and those people are the only things I have in my life I can count on. I have no job, no place to live, i cant make a relationship work, and my fam wont help me out. I would do anything for them and have but aparently me being homeless isnt an important concern for them. But anyway I need a job and bad!


Joelove out!

Depression

So I quit my job a few weeks back, which means I'm prob gonna get my car repossessed, get kicked out of my house, and be homeless, jobless, and car less. But all that, as depressing as it is, is nothing compared to my heart breaking again. Now I know i deserve to no have another chance, i get that i screwed up and some people need the opportunity to move on. But I never deserved to be used in such a cruel and heartless way. I know people change, and that's fine, I know she changed, i just didn't know how bad she had changed. And for the worse, to the extreme! I have never been so hurt in my entire life. So hurt in fact I had so very unhealthy thoughts, thoughts I have had before but never to this extreme where I had planned everything out and even said some goodbyes. I recently had a cousin kill himself over a girl, and I remember saying to myself that he was stupid for doing it, but now I find myself having the exact same thoughts I'm sure he did. If my ex wife, who pined after me for so long, used me as a back up for her other guy, and has proven to me that she never wanted me, doesn't want me how can i ever assume someone else will want me? Part of me is wondering how i could let someone tear me down so much, destroy my self esteem so bad, make me think about killing myself. But she is getting what she wants it seems. I have struggled with the fact I left her, and that was a huge mistake on my part. But now I have gotten my mind and spirit to the point where I am willing to do what it takes to make it work, but now she doesn't want me. Who's to say she ever did. Its all my fault, I should have never left, and when I did I waited too long to come to my senses. Life feels very much hopeless and hapless. So I am going to move to St. Louis and live with my mom for awhile until I get my shit together, if that's even possible. The only thing holding me back from truly wanting to move and start my new life is the fact I will feel as if I am abandoning my boys. I love my boys with all my heart and I don't ever want to do anything to hurt them but leaving will do just that. But if i stay in Monett I will be homeless, jobless, and car less, like I mentioned before. What good will I be to them then? Plus I don't feel as if they should see me in the state that I'm in now. My life is very confusing right now and I'm not sure what I should do. Until we meet again...


JoeLove out!

Time to follow thru

I have made a decision to enter a Screenplay writing contest that will be held next year. 600 entries, 600 horror screenplays, one winner. I dont normally follow thru with a whole lot in life so I feel that this is something I have to stick with to sort of prove to myself i can stick with something and finish it. I bailed out on school, I have had alot of small buissness ideas in my life. But I never followed thru with any of it. This is something I think Im good at and I love to do it, so why not follow thru. Now i just have to come up with a story and write it out. If any one has any ideas please comment. Im kind of having issues with story ideas. But if not Ill come up with something lol


JoeLove out!

Funk no more!

So I have been in this funk for the last few months. Today I have decided that Ineed to get myself out of it. How will I do that? Im not really sure, but something good has to happen soon. I need to get motivated to stomp the funk out! Recient events will make it harder I think, but I will try.


Joelove out!